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Chapter 1 Recommended for blogs focusing on Ø Dreams and Goals Ø Achievement Ø Instincts
What Can a Dentist Teach You about Business, Life and Success? Discover Secrets To Achieving Total Success! By Dr. Joe Capista
Book Excerpt Chapter 1 Father Melton Wasn't Always Right
My name is Joe Capista and I have a story to tell. It is the story of a boy from a working class family who lived in an average suburban Philadelphia neighborhood, struggled to get good grades in grammar school, and today is recognized as one of the most successful individuals in my industry. It is my personal story of success about living a life many people only dream of while finding a deep connection and purpose beyond my wildest imaginings. It is the story of success that goes beyond the material and delves into the spiritual. It is a story that continues to unfold.
Looking back, I realize the foundation for my success began with my father, mother and grandfather. My father didn't graduate from college; he worked in a factory, as did my grandfather who immigrated to the United States from Italy. My uncle was a doctor, but the rest of my father's siblings all worked in factories as well. One day my grandfather said to me, “I want to live long enough to see you go to college.” It was important to my grandfather that my siblings and I made something of ourselves. He placed a high value on education and achievement. He was sick at the time and close to death. Sadly, he didn't live long enough to see me go to college.
Growing up, I saw my father work hard for everything we had. We lived a very modest lifestyle. We didn't do anything extravagant such as go out to dinner. I think it was partly because we didn't have a lot of money and because family dinners at home were more important. Our life was a life of basics.
In terms of monetary success, I guess you could say my dad never made a lot of money. However, I always saw my dad as successful. He is a success as a family man, is virtuous, a good person and had more than enough money to live his lifestyle. He is one of the most successful people I know.
My dad provided well for us with what little he did have. Although he never verbalized it, he instilled in us a work ethic that lives on to this very day; an ethic born out of generations of work and a future of possibility. My dad knew we all had a better chance to succeed than he had and to become something. It may sound a bit old fashioned to say I succeeded at the request of my father, but I knew if I did not, he and my mother would be disappointed. The thought of disappointing both my mother and father was too much to bear. As I grew up, I chose many paths because I didn't want to disappoint my parents. I didn't get in trouble because I knew it would be a disgrace to the family or it would make my parents unhappy.
When I was dating my girlfriend, I'd tell people the best form of birth control was what my mother would say to me as I was walking out the door: “Don't disgrace the family.” I knew what she meant. “Don't disgrace the family” was a saying that followed me throughout my adolescence keeping me on the straight and narrow.
Although neither of my parents were college educated, my father is a very well read man. He has read more books than I have and embodies a wealth of knowledge that is rare in today's world. His expectation for his children was a silent dictate that we would succeed. We were to carve out a profession that allowed us to elevate our lifestyle beyond that of the previous generation. He had a way of instilling an understanding that we should become something better, we should be more successful and have a better lifestyle than he and my mother had.
Without a word, it was understood we would go to college. It wasn't a choice; we were going. Being born a Capista was a one-way ticket to the greatest ride on earth: success, freedom, wealth and, most importantly, living a life filled with love!
Looking back, I could have been almost anything I set my mind to. So why a dentist? Growing up in the late 50's and 60's, there were basic occupations men chose for a living. You became a teacher, an accountant, a lawyer, an engineer or a doctor. There weren't jobs in technology; half the jobs available to young people today did not exist when I was making my life decision about work.
I knew I didn't want to be an accountant, teacher, lawyer or an engineer, so I was left with becoming a doctor. I wasn't sold on being a doctor in the truest sense of the word. I had an uncle that was a medical doctor and I saw the way he worked. He worked endless hours and I knew I didn't want that. He made house calls attending to the sick and ultimately many of his patients died. I certainly didn't want any part of that!
Through a process of elimination, I was slowly approaching the profession of dentistry. You could say I backed into it. I had bad teeth as a child and saw the dentist a lot. I was also impressed by the fact our family dentist had a Cadillac.
Having the humble upbringing I did, I thought having a Cadillac was pretty neat. Nobody in my neighborhood had a Cadillac; nobody had anything better than an old Chevy, Ford or a Rambler. There weren't many luxury cars where we lived and the fact my dentist made enough money to drive a Cadillac definitely left an impression.
I was also intrigued by the construction aspect of dentistry. I always liked building things. As a dentist, it appeared you could excavate, drill and build, and people would pay for your skill. The thought of drilling a hole, putting something in it, and in return you got 8 or 10 bucks (remember — this was a number of years ago), was all I needed to know. Dentistry looked clean, nobody was dying and my parents would be proud. Sign me up!
My friends and family all knew that I wanted to be a dentist since I was a kid. Around fifth or sixth grade I'd proclaim, “I want to be a dentist!” At an early age, I began a mental process that paved the way for my date with destiny.
I can remember playing basketball with my friends at the age of 12. When we were tired of basketball, we would head to the park and fill in the holes in the picnic tables and trees with mud. Each hole looked like an opportunity to fill an imaginary cavity. I eagerly filled each hole with whatever kind of makeshift amalgamate Mother Nature had to offer.
Grade school fantasy led to high school academics. By now I'm getting average grades; second honors most of the time. I'm not setting the world on fire and I'm not in the advanced placement courses, but I'm in good, solid courses. Junior year rolls around and it's time to go to a guidance counselor. I'm challenged with the decision of which college and what major to select! With some big life decisions staring me in the face, I needed some help… or so I thought.
Growing up in a solid Catholic family, I attended a parochial school. With my vision for the future firmly set in my mind, I decided to talk to Father Melton, my high school guidance counselor. After all, who has greater insight than someone working on behalf of the Divine?
Early into my meeting I declared, “Father Melton, I think I want to be a dentist!” After a moment of contemplation, Father Melton said, “Well, Joe, I don't think that's a very good idea. Your college Board scores are only 1040, and a thousand is just getting by. To be a biology major your scores should be over1100.”
He continued with complete certainty, “If you go to college for biology, you'll probably have a very difficult time, if you can make it at all. You ought to think about being a teacher because you have good skills. That would be a good career, it's a nice job.” I respectfully said, “Thank you,” and left his office.
Quickly shaking off what felt like total rejection, I assured myself I would apply for college as a biology major. After all, I had wanted to be a dentist since the 5th grade and all that hole digging and imaginary teeth filling at the creek wasn't going to be for nothing.
Sure I was making the right decision, I applied to five different colleges, all local schools outside of Philadelphia where I grew up. I was accepted to all five colleges, but only as a declared biology major by one school — La Salle University. My choice was clear, La Salle it was.
After the first semester at La Salle, I had whopping 2.5 GPA, which is not enough to get into dental school or any professional school for that matter. It was just the first semester and I was in big trouble.
I was at a crossroads. I had to decide if I was going to change what I wanted to do and change my goal, or do I change what I'm doing to get to my goal? I decided I was not going to change my goal, so I had to do something differently in order to achieve my dream. This one decision of changing behaviors rather than changing my goal was the cornerstone of many future decisions that have created the life I now enjoy.
What had to be done differently was adjusting the intensity of my commitment. That meant changing the way I studied. I was not partying every weekend or messing around, I was doing what I thought was a reasonably good job, but obviously my GPA didn't reflect that. I decided that what I was doing wasn't enough.
I told my girlfriend, Anne, who later became my wife, we had to change our dating times. Even though Anne and I loved seeing each other, we decided we would only go out one night a week and I would study the other six nights. I consciously put my nose to the grindstone. For the next three and a half years, I memorized everything that was put in front of me. I was so focused on what I wanted, I remember leaving the Thanksgiving table one holiday evening and studying from Thursday through Sunday night without a break. I just never gave up.
Biology was tough. Father Melton told me it would be. My class started with 150 students and every day someone would drop out; they would fail biology and ultimately change their major. I had a lot of tenacity and even though I felt like an underdog, I had people in my corner. I had a family that taught me honor and a girlfriend that supported my dream.
In the end, we ended up with 49 biology majors. With visions of my father, mother and grandfather swimming in my head, I held tight and ended up with a 3.1 GPA, which was just enough to get me into dental school.
I applied to five dental schools. I was only accepted at one: Temple University School of Dentistry. I'll never forget the day I learned of my acceptance. It was the first day of December, the day acceptance or rejection notices were received.
Many of my friends who were on their way to medical school knew how much trepidation I had and how hesitant I was to call home. With continual prodding from my peers, I held my breath and made the call.
I began the conversation with, “Mom, is there a letter from Temple?”
She said, “Yes.”
With no speakerphones at that time, I repeated what my mother said for my friends.
“Open it up, Ma.”
She begins to read, “The admissions committee is pleased...” That was all we needed to hear.
My friends drug me to the closest bar, stopping on the way to run into our chemistry class shouting, “Capista got into dental school!” Even an underdog can rally the excitement of others; five students vacated chemistry class to join us at the bar.
It felt great to be accepted! When I say I was an underdog, what I mean is I had to work hard to get to where I was going. Failure was never an option and success was something I wanted at an early age, but that did not mean it was easy. I had to struggle, adjust, and continually look for ways to succeed. Even though success wasn't easy, something strange happened when I got to Temple University. I completed all four years finishing a semester early and 11th in my class, which placed me in the top 10%. I guess I made the right choice to listen to my heart.
Dental school marked the beginning of developing my skills. During your first year in dental school, you get your instruments. Part of the instrument package is your drill. When I got that first drill, it was as if someone had given me gold. I would stare at it, hold it and affirm, “Yes! I'm going to get to do this!” It was almost a surreal experience. I knew I was on my path. I just knew it and nothing could stop me from becoming a dentist.
Dental school was a lot like the Marines; it was very tough and not very nice during the training. At the time, the school employed a method of motivation by beating you down before they built you up. I'm sure they wanted to weed out those who only thought they wanted to go into dentistry and find those who were actually going to become a dentist no matter what.
During the first year they were really out to make your life miserable and I was determined not to let it affect me. I knew I was going to do well and I loved dental school. I did well academically and when it was time for a residency, I was accepted everywhere I had applied.
Anne and I were engaged a few days after I was accepted to dental school. We were married after my first year. Financially we were on a very tight budget. Anne was a nurse and worked very hard. She paid the bills while I held on and worked towards my dream.
During that time, we went to garage sales to buy furniture and had to be frugal. Even though money was tight and all of our furniture was used, one day we decided to splurge for a new sofa and chair. This was a huge event for us. We felt like we were living the big time with that new sofa and chair!
Our very first apartment was in Clifton Heights where I grew up. It was on Baltimore Pike, the main street in our town, above a pizza parlor. August was a really hot month in that apartment. We had no air conditioning and the heat of the pizza ovens would continuously rise. That first year it was so hot, our parakeet died of heat exhaustion. One day we came home and he was dead in his cage. I have to wonder how Anne and I survived the heat ourselves!
The place smelled all the time and there were many mice running around. It was kind of crazy, yet we loved it. Even though money was tight, we were very happy and very in love. I would sit with Anne, put my arm around her and say, “Honey, one day you're going to have everything. A fine home, nice car, lots of money and anything you want. I promise.” At that time, flying to the moon would have been more believable than living a life where we could have anything we wanted, but I just knew in my heart we would.
The first year we were married we would watch the black and white TV we found during one of our garage sales excursions. It was also the year of the 1974 Olympics. I told Anne we were going to get a color TV to watch the Olympics. We spent something like $129 for this little Zenith color TV just to watch the Olympics. That was a lot of money back then. Buying the color TV was important to me because I wanted my wife to get a glimpse of what was possible and the kind of luxuries that were awaiting us.
Anne became pregnant towards the end of my senior year in college and we had our first child, Joseph, while I was in my residency. This was an exciting but tough time. We needed more room so we moved to a two-bedroom apartment during my residency. That was a huge stretch for us at the time.
As I started my first year in private practice, we had to stretch again. We bought a small, single home. We also had our second child, Vanessa, when we lived there. Before we got married, Anne and I would ride through an area called Rose Tree and look at these big, beautiful houses. The homeowners were manicuring their lawns on big lots and seemed so happy and successful. It was during those rides through Rose Tree that I would tell Anne, “Honey, someday we're going to live here.” I just knew it would happen. I never had a doubt. I would visualize the life I wanted.
What is amazing is that this is where we now live. I live in the very neighborhood we used to drive through; the very neighborhood I would feel a pang of excitement rush through my body every time we drove through.
I did my residency at Philadelphia General Hospital. I was fortunate to be able to build great people skills at Philadelphia General because I worked with a very diverse cross-section of people, mostly the poor, prisoners and police officers. I learned about compassion and humanity; it opened my heart, which became an important part of my way of doing business and my success.
My residency at Philadelphia General Hospital was a great experience. Even though I was working long hours, little by little I was watching my dream become a reality. At that time I didn't know much about goals, I just knew I had a dream and it was coming true.
During that time, I also worked evenings for a dentist, eventually buying his practice. Interestingly enough, his office was about a mile or two from where I grew up. I worked 60 to 70 hour weeks, including Friday nights and Saturdays. The dentist I worked for was far from progressive. He was overly thrifty, had antiquated equipment and a big closet he had converted into a treatment room. You couldn't even fit a dental assistant in there and it didn't have an X-ray machine. When I needed an X-ray, I had to wait for the dentist to finish, then go in and take an X-ray of my patient. We had two employees: a front desk person and a dental assistant. That was it.
In spite of his shortcomings, he had a ton of patients, something many dentists don't have. I watched and learned. I saw how good he was with people and because of him, I understood I was in the people business, not the dental business.
During my first year as a dentist, I decided I wanted to make $50,000. This was in 1977. Fresh out of my residency, I reached my goal and made the $50,000. That was a lot of money back then. In today's terms, it would be well over $200,000. I felt like I had arrived because of the kind of money I was making. All the hard work and sacrifice was paying off.
At that time, being successful in a practice meant you were netting six figures. With $50,000 under my belt in year one, I knew year two would bring $100,000. I was determined to make my goal of six figures and I did. I felt as though I was living a dream. A self-directed dream, but a dream nonetheless.
People can lose site of what it takes to achieve the life of their dreams. There is always a tradeoff, but it can be well worth it. The last year of my life had been filled with many moments of satisfaction, amazement and gratitude. We were living a life most people only dreamt of and I knew I had just begun!
You may think I am a good businessman and I am smart. As you can see from my educational background, I am just not that smart. The fact is — and it's really important for you to realize this — what I know about the world of business I learned from people who taught me how to run a business. Success has very little to do with intelligence or skills. It has more to do with the way you think, feel and act. Because I know how important this is, I talk about this throughout the book. This doesn't mean you don't have to have skills or a certain amount of intelligence, but in this case my success has come more from intuition and thinking, not just from my intelligence and skills.
Father MeltonSuccess Summary
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Chapter 8 Recommended for blogs focusing on Ø Success Ø Business Ø Sales and Marketing Ø Credibility in business
What Can a Dentist Teach You about Business, Life and Success? Discover Secrets To Achieving Total Success! By Dr. Joe Capista
Book Excerpt Chapter 8 Five Part Formula for Success
Success is not single sided; it is a holistic experience taking into account all of life's experiences. I view success as a Five Part Formula. Our conversation about success starts with business, but ends with the total life experience.
If I asked a group of people to write down everything they needed for success in business and life we could probably fill countless whiteboards, blackboards, flipcharts, computer files and notepads. I have found there are only five basic skills needed in order to be successful:
Each part is equally important to the others as they support a balance of business success and life success. Business and life successes are not exclusive of one another. When you have both, there is a synergy so that you have greater TOTAL SUCCESS as opposed to success in individual parts.
Of the five basic skills listed for success, money is not included for specific reasons. Success is not a result of making money; making money is a result of success. Money is not necessarily a part of success; it can be a way of keeping score. I truly believe that success is the result of providing value and service. We are paid based on the amount of value and service we provide. Money is a measure of that value and service.
When we work with our customers, we should be paid directly for the amount of value and service we provide. In reality, we should be providing more value and service than we are being paid. If you do that, money will never be an issue. You will always be paid the fee you deserve because you are providing more to your customer based on the amount of value and service you provide to them. Henry Ford said, “Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly. It comes as a byproduct of providing a useful service.”
The reason I know that money is not part of success is because one of the most successful people I know is my father. My father worked in a factory and never had the opportunity to make much money. Yet he is still a success.
If you are in a position of a professional or you have the type of job where you can make a good living, you should be making money. In fact, you have an obligation to yourself and your family to make money. If you are performing in your job to the fullest extent or with the greatest skills it could be done, you will make money. If you are not, you are cheating yourself and your family.
It's like the Biblical story where the servants were given money from their master. The gold they were given symbolized talents. Two servants worked with the money, made more and were praised. They used their talents. The one who didn't invest the money but instead buried the gold and did nothing with it was admonished and his gold was taken away and given to the servants who made use of the gold. If we have been given talents and do not use them, we are cheating ourselves and, in the end, the customer.
If you never graduated from high school and you work in a factory, you may not have the opportunity to make a lot of money, but that does not mean you cannot be successful. You can still have the components in your life to be a successful person. However, if the people who have been given the talents to make money don't do it, they are cheating themselves by not applying themselves to their fullest extent and making money.
Again, success is not the result of making money; making money is the result of success. Success is the result of providing value and service. Money measures the amount of value and service that you provide. Simply put, when you provide value and service, you will be successful and make money.
Although there have been many words and pages already dedicated to the first three parts of the formula, they are so important they bear repeating. Looking at the five parts you would find the following:
Become an Expert Have a Great Product and/or Service
Expertise is not easy to come by and many people fool themselves into thinking their knowledge is adequate and self-designate their level of skill as that of an “expert.” Some people believe because they fulfilled a required curriculum or passed a test they are suddenly an expert. It is not uncommon upon completion of dental school that some dentists think they know everything they need to know. In reality, they know very little.
Markets change and demands for the service you provide changes. If you don't recognize the market shift or change in demand for what you are doing you will be left behind. This is true for any industry. At some point I knew that if I wanted to be an expert dentist, and more specifically a cosmetic dentist, I had to get specialized training. There were four places I could have gone for the next level of training. I chose The Las Vegas Institute of Advanced Dental Studies (LVI) because I liked their philosophy and what they had to offer.
In the last few years alone, I took multiple courses that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars in time and expense to become a cosmetic dentist. It was a major commitment and one I was willing to make. Anyone who is an expert in their field has to make an incredible commitment of time, money and energy. It doesn't just happen by chance. I also discovered along the way that as I focused on improving my skills as a cosmetic dentist my skills as a general dentist improved.
Developing a high level of expertise was really a matter of vision for me. In the last eight years I knew I wanted to do more cosmetic dentistry. I was intrigued by what was possible and instinctively knew I had to learn more. The standard curriculum no longer met my needs and I needed more professional training. I also realized early on that improving my overall ability is about being fair to my patient. Everybody, no matter what industry they are in, needs to be on top of their game.
If you're not at the top of your game, you're not being fair to your customer. It may not mean you are giving them an inferior product, but you're certainly not giving them the highest quality of service. I've discovered many folks balk at continued education and advanced training. They are captured by a mind-set that whispers, “I don't deserve to spend that kind of money on myself,” or “I'll just get by.” I've found these folks are usually worried about what they're giving up, mainly in dollars, as opposed to what they're going to get.
By investing in your own training and education, you will gain more in the long run than you're giving up. With increased skill comes increased confidence. With increased confidence comes increased competence. The rewards will continue to multiply. Many are comfortable with the status quo. They feel because they've been at something for a long time it qualifies them as an expert. I learned a long time ago just because you've got a lot of years in or you've done something repeatedly, that doesn't necessarily make you an expert. Some people work in a vacuum doing the same thing day in and day out thinking they are the best at what they do. Wrong!
You can't increase your expertise on your own; someone has to teach you. I don't care if you're already at the top of your game, there's somebody that's on top of you that's doing it better. That's the person you have to talk to!
This is about your Service, your Product and the level at which you deliver. Years ago I heard a saying that has stayed with me, “If you're not moving ahead, you're moving backwards or you're dying.” I know as long as I'm fixing teeth, I'm going to be focused on learning a new and better way and definitely keep up with the latest and greatest techniques and technology.
If someone wants to be considered an expert, they have to put constant effort into learning all they can about what they do, what their customers need and what the market demands.
Develop Sales and Marketing Skills The success of your business is directly proportionate to your ability to sell and market. Taking that one step further, I believe the success of your life is directly proportionate to your ability to sell and market. The better you sell and market the higher level of success you will attain.
I'm not talking about selling used cars. I'm talking about selling your Services, Products or ideas. Additionally, you are selling your philosophies, your principles to your children and selling to make relationships with your spouse and family better. I'm talking about selling Products and Services they want and need that are going to make them better people. Sales and marketing is not about you getting something; it is about you giving something.
Sales is a kind of strategic influence. Too many times we think of sales as manipulation because we have the vision of the slick salesperson; the person who's trying to sell for his or her good and not for the good of the customer. Sales is about benefits and coming to a mutual agreement with your customer that what you have to offer is of value. Once value has been established, you have the responsibility to influence the person to say, “Yes.”
You always have to have the other person's highest good in mind. In fact, Charlie used to tell me about the U Attitude. When he first presented the U Attitude idea, it was foreign to me. He would sit in front of me, hold his pad of paper and he'd draw a U. One part of the U started with the customer coming tome and it ended back with the customer to complete the U. This means the process has to start with the customer, come to me, and then go back to the customer. The customer always has to be the person who benefits the most in the sales process and the U Attitude has helped me to remember this over the years.
Selling is about helping the client. The times I have been sold by people who have good sales skills is fantastic; a great experience. They see what I want and what I need. They know how I'm going to benefit by it and they help me get there. Sales require compassion, understanding, and talking in such a way people are comfortable dealing with you. When you create comfort for your customer, they will return again and again. Most of my patients do business with me because they say they trust me. They'll say, “If that's what I need, I trust you know what is best.” They have put their faith in me and I'm not about to let them down.
Selling isn't rocket science, but it is a powerful skill. I've seen more than one salesman take advantage of a person with lesser knowledge or expertise. This is not what I consider ethical, professional or right. I am committed to interacting with my patients and customers as if they are my brother or sister. I'm always challenging my integrity with the question, “If this were a member of my family, would I recommend this procedure? Am I presenting the best possible solution and filling their true need?”
Focusing on these questions helps me to be more assertive, especially if a patient doesn't understand how important the decision can be in that moment. I've actually said, “If you were my sister or my brother or my father, I would have you do this.” I tell them this is for their benefit, not for mine.
I've told people, “I'm not doing this because I'm trying to charge you a fee, I'm trying to help you. I want to help you get something better than what you have.” Being assertive isn't uncomfortable for the customer or salesperson when done from a place of integrity and support.
People who have a problem with sales or are afraid of sales don't look at the benefit they create for their customers. They only see it as taking rather than giving. If you really believe in what you are doing, you recognize the sale is a contribution to your customer. We have an obligation to help our customers say yes to what they want or need when it benefits them and we know we are providing value and service to them. We also have an obligation to let them know when they shouldn't make a purchase if we believe it is not in their best interest.
Our responsibility is to help them make the best decision once we have established value or perceived value.
Get Help from Experts (Mentors) Success is not a solo journey. To succeed you need to let others help you improve your business and your life. There are many ways to accomplish this. One is through a relationship with a mentor. I firmly believe you have to take the time to be mentored. There also comes a time you must be willing to share your knowledge by being a mentor.
Being mentored is one of the greatest events that has happened to me. I have had many mentors in my career. Without a doubt, Charlie Schaivo has been my primary and most influential mentor. However, Charlie didn't teach me everything. What he could not teach he led me to. Charlie is a very smart man. He knew what he could do to influence me and he knew when I needed the expertise of others. He would lead me to courses and to people who could teach me what he could not.
Charlie pointed me towards the DiSC® Profile. As you read in a previous chapter, learning the DiSC® profile system was one of the most important shifts in business and consciousness I have had in my life. It has helped me immensely in both business and personal relationship building.
I spent a full week learning behavior profiles in 1985 just so I could be more successful in my business. Little did I realize that it would also impact my personal life. I also took a two-day course on Adventures in Attitudes® a couple of years later through Charlie. From there he encouraged me to take more courses in sales, marketing, success, and leadership. All these course have little or nothing to do with dentistry, but everything to do with my ultimate success.
The courses I've taken that were unrelated to dentistry have made me a much more successful dentist than the courses related to building my technical and clinical skills. I am not discounting technical training; it is simply to emphasize that you need a well-rounded education through the guidance of others.
Mentors are essential. You can't pick up a book and read enough to get the accelerated learning that a mentor can provide. It doesn't mean you can't learn these skills on your own, but it's going to take much, much longer. And you will probably never learn at the depth and level you would from a mentor.
In addition to Charlie, there was also Dr. Ciampoli, the dentist I bought my practice from. Even though he had many areas that were antiquated, he taught me a lot about handling people and patients. He was a good mentor for teaching me the importance of being technically competent and honest with patients.
There were many others over the years. Each had something to teach me. Fortunately for me and for all of my patients, I was willing to learn. If there was one thing I would recommend to anyone who wants to be wildly successful, it is to find mentors and learn from them.
Through Charlie I developed a list of mentors/teachers that have served hundreds of thousands of people just like me: Napoleon Hill, Earl Nightingale, Og Mandino, Dennis Whitely, Zig Ziglar, Wayne Dyer, and Mike Vance to name only a few. I would listen to their tapes until I wore them out and had to get another. I've used the knowledge of seasoned experts as my mentors even though many I have never met in person. I gleaned every bit of wisdom they had to offer. I have found some of the original thought leaders to be so profound I still listen religiously to their material.
Mentorship doesn't have to be a difficult experience. There are very informal as well as formal methods of mentorship. Let's begin with the informal. Consider the top five people you spend time with the most. Each can be a mentor in his or her own right. To be successful you need to make sure those you associate with most are people that inspire you and lift you up. You must be clear about who you want to spend time with and understand the power they have in your life.
There is an exchange of energy in all relationships. Some people enhance our energy; others can actually deplete our energy. I'm very deliberate in choosing people that increase my energy and fuel my dreams. We may not call one another mentors, but the influence we exert on each other's lives is the same as a mentor/student relationship. I feel so strongly about this I've made efforts in the opposite direction, minimizing relationships with certain people because we weren't on the same track or heading in the same direction. I look to mentors in both my personal and professional life.
Charlie was a great mentor for my marriage as well as work. Certainly my parents who've been married for over 50 years are incredible mentors when it comes to relationship and marriage. I have some mentors that I simply examine their life and admire their capacity to live it to the fullest. Take for instance, Euse Mita, the leader of the reflection group in which I am an active member. He is a great example of this kind of person. I have known him for about 25 years and over that time he has mentored me and I sometimes have mentored him. Even though we do not see each other very often, when we do meet and we are together, I walk away a richer person. A brief encounter with Euse can keep me going for days.
There are many forms of mentorship some formal and contractual and some informal existing within the relationship of a friend or family member. As valuable as having a mentor is there will come a time when you are asked to mentor. Seize the opportunity to mentor because the learning never stops! I am currently mentoring a businessman and even though he is learning new things, I am increasing my skills and stay sharp by prepping for our mentoring sessions.
Having the right kind of mentor and noticing who you spend time with leads into the fourth and fifth necessary components for success: Control Your Thoughts and Create Balance in Your Life. Because the fourth and fifth parts are so important, I have devoted an entire chapter to each.
Success – A Five Part Formula Success Summary
Ø Become an Expert (have a great Product and/or Service) Ø Develop Sales and Marketing Skills Ø Get help from Experts (have mentors) Ø Control your Thoughts Ø Create Balance in your life 3. You may not be the “best” at what you do, BUT be the best you can be. 4. To be the best in your field requires continued training. 5. The success of your business and the success of your personal life is directly proportional to your ability to sell and market. 6. Our lives revolve around selling a Product, Service or idea. 7. Sales is strategic influence, not manipulation. 8. Develop a 'U' Attitude. 9. Always have the customer's interests foremost and have integrity and honesty in your sales process. 10. Sales and Marketing are skills that need to be learned. Very few people are “natural born” sales or marketing people. 11. You need people — mentors — to teach you what you do not know. 12. Find successful people and study their behavior. 13. Mentors can be living or dead. 14. Pay people to teach you what you do not know.
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Chapter 11 Recommended for blogs focusing on Ø Inner Peace Ø Spiritual Insights Ø Balance
What Can a Dentist Teach You about Business, Life and Success? Discover Secrets To Achieving Total Success! By Dr. Joe Capista
Book Excerpt Chapter 11 Balance — A Requirement for Total Success
By the time I was in my late twenties, I really felt as if I had arrived. I was making great money, driving a fancy car and living in a big house. Everything I based success on, I had. The harsh reality was, my life was in turmoil. Although I had a level of success, I didn't have TOTAL SUCCESS.
It's the same with my friends who make millions and millions of dollars annually. They make more than I'll make in a lifetime and yet they don't have what I now understand to be TOTAL SUCCESS. They only have professional success. Their main focus is business. They have difficulty in relationships, failed marriages, problem children, they misuse their authority and power and they eat and drink to excess. Their life is in turmoil and their lifestyle is killing them.
I don't know how to assess another's spiritual well-being, but I think that it's hard to have inner-peace when your life is in turmoil. My experience has shown me a successful life is more than a successful business. This was a lesson hard learned. By the time I had “arrived” I was working way too much; 60 to 70 hours a week, sometimes more. I'd work until ten o'clock on Friday nights and often be in my office on weekends. I was driven to be successful in my business.
As I mentioned earlier, the first year out of dental school I made $50,000. This was under very poor conditions. Even though this was a lot of money by most people's standards, my goal was to make $100,000 the second year. In 1978, that was a ton of money and I pulled out all the stops in order to reach that goal. By today's standards that would be $300,000 - $400,000 a year.
I was driven to produce. Nothing was going to stop me. I did what I needed to do continually for the next couple of years. I had arrived, so I thought. I was 29 years old. I had a five-bedroom house on a 1-acre lot, a Mercedes-Benz, and my life looked great — from the outside. What wasn't apparent to a casual observer was I also had a wife and children I never saw, or saw very little. Even though I was doing what I thought a good husband should do, my wife was very upset. She was doing everything with the kids and I was not there to help and support her on that level.
Anne was so upset, I would come home at night and she would scream at me and say, “You're not here; you're not helping. I can't go on like this!” I found myself making many promises like, “I'm only going to do this for a little while, it's going to get better, and I'm going to change.” A year would go by and I wouldn't change; I continued to be driven to make the money to prove I was successful.
Where I grew up, not many of my friends went to college. The fact that I became a dentist was a step above. I was hell-bent on showing people that it doesn't matter where you start, you can make something of yourself. I would constantly affirm, “I came from a working class neighborhood; I am now successful and make enough money to buy whatever I want.”
What was important at the time was to make enough money to show people I was successful. At that point in my life, it was more about showing them I was successful than living a successful life. The one way I could do it was to make a lot of money.
People would say, “Wow. You've made it!” That meant a lot to me! Little did I realize all my focus on business and money was putting my life completely out of balance. I suppose if I would have paid attention to what my wife was saying and how I was feeling I would have known how out of balance I was.
It wasn't until 1983 that I began to recognize the need for balance. Work was a major disruption in my life even though it was giving me my perceived success. Although I had been ignoring it for a long time, there was now no denying that I needed to do what I could to have a balanced life.
First, I took steps to fix my business. As my business improved, I started paying consultants to help me learn how to run my business more efficiently. It was through these business improvements I was able to take more time with my family. This allowed me to be home with my family more and focus on my physical balance. This was pivotal in improving my relationship with my wife and children and my health.
My wife is a great mother and a wonderful spouse for hanging in there until I was present and accounted for on the home front. Most striking to me was that as I came into a kind of physical and professional balance, my marriage came into balance as well. This then opened up the part of my life that was lacking, the spiritual inner component.
It was during that time Charlie introduced me to a way of life that would forever change me. Charlie was an advocate of living a very balanced life and he made no qualms about the importance of this. He said, “The more balanced your life becomes, the more success you can create. The more balance you have the more you will realize what you are capable of and how connected everything is.”
By now I was keenly aware that all aspects of my life were connected at a deep level. I could no longer address one area without addressing another. Once I knew this, I could no longer go back to my old way of thinking, acting and believing. Everything was shifting.
I came to realize my wife and family deserved as much attention as my business. It was during that time I created goals concerning my family relationships. I wanted and needed to be a contributor.
One of my goals was to be the best husband I could be. With this as my focus, a shift began. Just the fact I had a focus on improvement the changes began. I made a conscious effort to say something positive about my wife everyday. Not necessarily big things, but things like, “Honey, you're the best. You look beautiful today. I appreciate all that you do.” The key was to convey my feelings with sincerity, not just to hear myself talk.
By running my business better and having systems in place at work, I had more time to share with my family and enjoy time with my wife. I made a conscious effort to do little things like help around the house. Even though I was running a business, making this kind of a change made a huge difference. I would catch myself saying things like, “Can I help you do anything?” and “Why don't you let me get that for you?”
The most amazing thing began to happen. I found I was feeling more love for my wife than I ever had. I began focusing on what I love and appreciate about my wife. I found the more I focused, the more desire I had to be a contributing husband and the better my life became. It became very apparent positive business changes were having a positive effect on my personal life.
It was the same with my health. As my business improved, I was now putting effort into my physical well-being. The healthier I became, the better my personal relationships became and the better I performed in my business. I was now experiencing what Charlie had often talked about: balance in all areas of my life.
I was gaining an insider's view that what we focus on increases. It is one of the most basic principles of success, yet one that is the most underutilized. Creating balance isn't a big secret. It's really about doing the very basics. Actually, it's more about doing the basic stuff than making massive change all at once.
Balance includes our thoughts and goes back to controlled thinking and focus. To create balance you have to watch your thought process and what you ask for. I use my thinking to support my relationships, my health, my finances and my spirituality. For example, around my relationship with my wife, I will repeat to myself, “I love being with my wife and I am happy to be with her.”
It goes back to the saying, “Energy flows where your attention goes.” So if my attention is on the positive, energy flows there. I fill my mind and heart with the positive and don't let thoughts of conflict, fear or lack rob my peace. One of the biggest tools that has helped the balance in my marriage is the use of DiSC® Classic. My wife's dominant behavior pattern is different from mine, therefore I know we're going to have different wants and desires. Sometimes I have to concede to her wants and desires if I truly want a happy relationship.
I've learned not to fight about insignificant things. As strange as that sounds, I just don't fight anymore. Being somewhat of a hotheaded Italian, I've been known to say the wrong thing too quickly. I've just learned not to do this anymore in my marriage. It isn't worth the imbalance it creates. I now know I can choose what I say and what I do. I also know how much significance or insignificance I place on anything is up to me.
I've learned a balanced life requires discipline and attention. In order to thrive in my relationship with my wife, I have to bring the same discipline to our marriage that I've brought to my business. There is a relationship between work and family that balance each other. One supports the other.
Although it may sound as though my discipline is to hold my tongue, this is not so. My discipline is to see love where there could be conflict, peace where at one time there was fear and balance even when the circle is a little out of kilter. In the scheme of things, I don't win by winning an argument. I'm not happier when we argue.
My work relationships demand the same balance. My team and the other dentists in the office and I know each other's behavior style. We've all taken the DiSC® Classic profile so we have a deep understanding and respect for the differences that create our team and our partnership. We think before we talk. We understand when someone says or does certain things that may be irritating; they're probably not doing it to aggravate us. They simply have a different style.
A huge part for me in creating balance is I've given up the thought of self-importance. I have come to recognize that many times someone's actions are just a part of his or her behavioral style and is not a reflection on me. The objective is to value everyone and make the situation better. Relationships at home and work affect your business success.
My desire for a more balanced life began to shift around the time I was trying to change the business. Strange things happen when you work 70 or 80 hours a week. You go to work, come home, eat, and sleep. You wake up and do the same thing the next day. And the next. And the next… I would literally come home, eat a regular meal at ten o'clock, have a beer or two, and go to bed. Without any type of physical activity, I put weight on. After awhile, I got a Hiatal hernia, the type of hernia where the stomach pushes up through a hole in the diaphragm muscle. It is very painful. I had chest pains every time I'd lie down. I wasn't very old and my body was becoming that of an old man.
I had to change my eating habits because of the hernia, the weight gain, the lack of energy and just not feeling good overall. I turned things around by minimizing my consumption of alcohol, reducing my meat intake and making a commitment to participate in a healthy diet for a period of a year.
It was during this time I decided I wanted to play tennis again. Before I could play, I needed to get in better shape. I decided the first thing I would do is run a couple miles at the local track. I struggled the first time on the track. Shocked and disgusted, I realized I was 30 years old and I couldn't even run a mile. Something happened in that moment. I vowed to get in top physical shape from that point forward.
I said to myself and to my wife, “I am going to run four days a week, rain or shine, no matter what, and eat a healthy diet.” To this day, over 25 years later, I have kept the commitment.
I realized I had been shortchanging others by the choices I had made up to that point. A part of me acknowledged it wasn't fair to have a low energy level when I'd go to work. I knew my family would eventually suffer if my health were less than the best I could achieve. With a commitment to running and improving my health, I could keep my commitments to work and play harder on the weekends.
For the past 25 years, the number of times that I have not run four days a week is less than ten, and that's because of matters that were out of my control. The number of times I haven't run because I didn't feel like it is zero. I have never gone to the door and said, “Well, it's cold, it's raining, it's snowing… I don't feel like running today.”
I've run with a fever, I've run and thrown up, I've run in blizzards. I've run in rain, I've run when it is hot. I've run because it's my day to run. To this day my wife says, “I know you're crazy going out there,” and I say, “Yeah, I know, but I'm going to do it anyway,” and I do it. I know this is not for everybody. This is simply the degree of commitment I've dedicated to my health and fitness.
The bottom line is that commitment is required in all areas of life. A commitment to your business, your relationships, your physical and spiritual being. I never lie about my commitments. When you lie about your commitments the first time, it makes the second time much easier, and the third time easier yet. Soon there is no commitment, then there's no structure, and eventually you are out of balance. When you lie to yourself it impacts your self-worth and value. A strange thing happened when recapturing my balance; the physical improvement came first, then business started to get better. That's when my relationships started to get better. My relationships improved because I was able to spend more quality time with my wife and children. This did not happen in a matter of weeks; this took a period of four to five years to occur. In an instant gratification world, it is important for people to realize success takes time. Time takes commitment and commitment takes integrity to one's self. It is like the old saying goes, To Thine Own Self Be True.
As my physical life, relationships and business were balancing out, the strangest thing began to happen. I found my desire for a more balanced spiritual life begin to take hold. In 1985, Charlie Schaivo introduced me to yet one more instrument that would have a profound impact on my life. Charlie said to me, “Joe, why don't you come along on this retreat to Malvern?” Not knowing what Malvern was or what to expect, I avoided making the commitment to go, but eventually I did go, because by now I really trusted Charlie's guidance.
With the decision to go to Malvern, little did I know what an incredible experience awaited me and that my life would change forever. Malvern is a Christian retreat that happens to be Catholic. You don't have to be Catholic to participate. It's a semi structured weekend with religious services, quiet time, reflection time, meditation and prayer. They have a retreat master who gives various talks throughout the weekend based on a specific theme.
Malvern was so amazing I vowed to attend every year without ever allowing any excuses. My first retreat at Malvern so moved me that when I came home from the weekend I told Charlie, “If I ever tell you I can't go to Malvern, tell me I'm a liar. There will never be a reason why I can't go.”
The time I invested at Malvern made me realize I needed a period at least once a year to have quiet time; to look back over the previous year and reflect. Until I really participated in quiet time, I didn't realize how much I craved it.
The Malvern Retreat is held during the Father's Day weekend. My friends and family know that this is my weekend. Actually, I passed on Charlie's legacy to my son. He's been coming since he was 15, and like me, attends every year without fail.
We spend the weekend together as father and son. The retreat provides us with quality time, a time to be together, and a time to talk together. It is about connection, reflection, and silence.
Our lives are bombarded with noise, both internal and external. Cell phones, iPods, computers, e-mails, faxes; you name it, we have it and it is only going to increase. To consciously take time to reflect is an incredible experience and a tool of balance. Once exposed to the quiet, I recognized how overwhelmed I had actually become. In addition to Malvern, following Charlie's example, I started to go to church services in the morning. Even though my work schedule often prevented me from staying for the entire church service, I was still able to sit quietly for 15 minutes or so.
During that time, I enjoyed the quietness of just sitting there. It didn't matter if there was a priest at the altar or even whether a church service was going on or not; it was simply a time to connect to the quietness.
When I first went deep into my spiritual journey, I was at a crossroads in many areas of my life. As most people do, I often had questions in my life that needed answers. Some of the questions I had were not easy. Some of my questions were business related, some about home, and others about relationships.
With the business, I might be grappling with finances and taking on other dentists or employees. I knew it was important to think through whatever decision I made. My family issues required I go deep into myself. Sitting in the quiet the answers came to me with grace and at times with ease. The longer I have made quiet time a part of my spiritual foundation, the easier it becomes to receive information from the Divine.
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